Yes gentle reader it is already September in the year of 2012 which means if you’ve been in any kind of business class you realize that this is the end of the 3rd quarter and we are now gunning full throttle into the 4th and final quarter of another year in our lives.
When I look back at where I’ve been mentally and physically during the previous 9 months it’s easier than ever to classify my year into quarters.
The first quarter of the year I’ll call the “Depression Obsession”.
Battling depression for me is nothing new as I’ve done it most of my life. Last year, while gallantly fighting the bloody final battle to regain control of my increasingly demented mental faculties caused by four years of residual pain and anger over my Mom’s death from cancer, was the only time the depression ever boiled over severe enough for me to require medication and therapy which in and of itself were huge steps for me as I was raised to believe both those kinds of help were signs of a weak personal constitution.
~ As a side note, I don’t even like taking ibuprofen for that very reason… yeah, big surprise, I’m weird ~
Even though I had successfully slain the demons that had tormented me the previous four years, 2012 started with brand new challenges. Financial struggles, a crumbling marriage, and leaving a job I loved for the great unknown all piled on top of my normal challenges that basically consist of constantly wrangling in my somewhat twisted outlook on the meaning of life and happiness. Combining the new pressures with the old created a very interesting super blend of blah.
Somewhere in the lousy first quarter of 2012 one of the depression triggers began to morph into a positive. The new job wasn’t all that bad; it pays well and is located one block from Indianapolis’ infamous Massachusetts Avenue. Thus as a direct result of factors that created Depression Obsession I moved into the second quarter of 2012 which I hereby affectionately dub “Selfish Hellfish”.
The word ‘Selfish’ has negative connotations but let’s remove those implications for the moment. For me, the second quarter of 2012 was a time of major self discovery. I put myself first and dug deep into my inner psyche. I found things I already knew and I found things that shocked me. I lost 50lbs. My personal politics came into a very clear focus. I started hanging out with old friends that I abandoned during the depression era. I began dating again, not just ‘hanging out’. I met several beautiful and intelligent women that shared my skewed views. I discovered the difference between self loathing and self deprecation.
Now, you might be trying to tie the last two paragraphs together by figuring out what Mass Ave. had to do with any of this? Yes, I over imbibed at my new found favorite places like the Ball & Biscuit, Mesh, and Mass Ave Pub, but the increase in discretionary income also gave me the opportunity to wander about and enjoy the city. It was during this aimless meandering that I realized I really do love my adopted hometown of Indianapolis. This epiphany led to a reshaping of what I want to accomplish during my time on Earth and that all starts with the fourth quarter of 2012.
Wait? What? Fourth quarter? Yes, I went to school in rural Kansas, but I still know how to count to four. A key phrase in the above description of the second quarter was “I met several beautiful and intelligent women…”. I hereby dub the third quarter “Drama Llama”. I hate drama, so put two and two together. And that is all I have to say about that.
Now, that I’ve uttered the name of the quarter whose name shalt not ever be uttered, back to the fourth quarter. I’ve mentioned before on this blog that everything I did in the past was shaped by the all mighty dollar and I never gave a damn about charity. I may never be rich, but I do now realize that I can use my talents and abilities to make things better for society as a whole. Thus I name the final quarter of 2012 “Charity Disparity”. I have plans to participate in several ‘for the better good’ events this fall and maybe even try to organize one or two of my own.
This post is already too long, so the details of those plans will have to wait until my next post which, as always, is coming soon to a computer browser near you.0